I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to notice but one of the girls is bigger than the other. Or is it that the other one is more subjective to temperature changes? Of course why would I notice, I don’t regularly oggle them on a daily basis, except for the whole pregnancy thing when they were GINORMOUS. It’s hard not to stare at a set of double Dora’s when you’re used to rather deflated B’s, and that was stretching it! Like going from those pints of milk you get at a cafeteria. You know the ones that don’t open properly and then you get milk carton stuck between your teeth as you sip? Well, it’s like going from those to a full gallon jug. I had a hard time not strutting those things around, except for that whole bump below them. It kind of limits the swagger a bit. ANYWAY, I haven’t ever noticed the uneveness in size until a few days ago when I put on a rather tight tank to sleep in cause you all know that tanks are sexy, especially when sporting a muffintop above the old sleep pants, right??? Well, I’m brushing my teeth and boom, they caught my eye. I thought at first that the tank was just twisted a bit so I shimmied and readjusted, but they still looked lopsided. WTF? Am I sleeping on one side too much? Do I need to set the alarm for a wake up call every two hours so I can turn over, you know, like turning the spit when your roasting a pig, to kinda even things out? Did I breastfeed on one more than the other? Can that actually happen? No, apparently most if not all women are unevenly proportioned, except for those sista’s that augment a little. Again, WTF? It’s not like we don’t have enough shit to deal with like wrinkles, cellulite and morning puffiness, now we gotta be self conscious about the twins too!?!?!? I wonder if they make wonder bra’s for those of us that are breastfully challenged, in symmetry that is? Hmm, I’ll look into that and get back to you.
- Housekeeping Tricks-Part I
- “42. Answer to the Ultimate Questions of Life, the Universe and Everything.”
- Bender, the Wonder Mutt.
- Being A People Person is Highly Overrated-Part II Overindulging at Social Functions
- Team “Honey Badger Don’t Care”…Survived! Run For Your Lives Boston 2012
- Like I Don’t Have Enough Paperwork Already
- Delivery vs. a Zombie 5K
- It Really Pays to Rent if You Have Kids.
- Where’s the Plunger? I Know we Have One Somewhere!
- Cardiologists Rock!