Monthly Archives: May 2012

Being A People Person is Highly Overrated-Part II Overindulging at Social Functions

As I’ve said before, I’m not really socially adept, especially in large groups of people that I don’t know. My playful and innately funny nature is severely compromised when I’m out in public. The only way to overcome the anxiety of being amongst other humans is to imbibe from time to time which usually gets me in trouble. There is a fine line between tipsy enough to speak fluently and relax around others and getting all out shitfaced and saying/doing things that you KNOW will induce guilt the following morning and many mornings to come. Here are my top 10 alcohol induced faux pas:

Throwing back one too many beers at a work sponsored tailgate and having to desperately pee between two open car doors because the line to the port-o-potty was way too long. In front of one of our suppliers no less. I can only hope his memory has dimmed and saved my professional face.

Falling down the steps of a two level bar, landing flat on my face in front of a packed house after a couple of hours of drinking with the owner of our company and our purchasing agent.

A night in Vegas that ended with me passing out, facedown, on the couch in a suite that I shared with the owner of our company while he and the guy who delivered room service at midnight discussed my lack of drinking skills. My boss is evil and ate all my damn dinner.

Jumping down off of my top bunk, pulling my pants down and sittingĀ  on my roommates bunk telling her I had too pee after a long night at the bar in college. She was good enough to lead me to the actual restroom. Ah, the joys of Tequila.

Downing a couple of shots of vodka in the Welborn Hall bathroom prior to giving an oral presentation in college on “The Joys of Four Color Process Printing” to third year printing majors. I plowed through it with flying colors, only slurring a few words.

Not drinking ENOUGH at a recent seminar where I made an ass of myself, verbally, instead of sucking down more alcohol. Damn having no designated drivers on a night where there are at least a hundred people you don’t know and you have to stay sober! I made up for it later at a bar across from the hotel by doing a Jagerbomb that induced heart palpitations all night.

Ok, so that’s only six. I’d like to say it’s because there were only six episodes of overindulgence, but I know better. They are the only ones my memory has retained. The rest are buried in some deep, dark part of my brain where shame and guilt have locked them away!

I’d love to hear your “overindulging at social functions” stories, if only to make mine seem a little bit less mortifying!

Team “Honey Badger Don’t Care”…Survived! Run For Your Lives Boston 2012

Team “Honey Badger Don’t Care”….Survived!

Well, technically, we all died and were transformed into zombies as we had no flags left at the end of the race. I guess being a zombie is preferable to being, er, dead.

Team Honey Badger Don’t Care participated in the Run For Your Lives 5K and Obstacle Course this past weekend in Amesbury, MA. (If you have no idea what I am talking about see http://runforyourlives.com/.) I say participated because you are supposed to RUN, however, with 2 feet of mud throughout 95% of the course, running just wasn’t an option for those of us who value our ankles and most other body parts.

Since we had a 3 hour drive from New Haven CT(go Yale!) we decided to do the noon wave. Bad idea #1. I’m sure there was mud for the first idiots runners too, but by our wave the majority of the course was calve deep in sole sucking, slick, skunky mud. My sister lost her shoe during the first 1/4 mile and if I hadn’t duct taped mine I would have lost both of them soon after.

After dropping all of our post race crap off at the holding area we headed to the starting line which consisted of Appetizer(if you run a 9 or less mile), Entree(if you run between 9-15 minute miles) and Dessert(if you run a 15+ minute mile). We lined up in the dessert gate thinking there was cake or something, you know, to improve our abilities. Sadly, it just meant we were slower than shit.

The obstacle portion of the course started right out of the gate with a steep incline(think bunny hill at a ski resort) that you were supposed to run up. Right. I gave it the old college try and made it to the top without totally embarrassing myself, albeit with thighs that were sore before the running actually started. As soon as we crested the top, lo and behold there were zombies. Lots of zombies. And mud. LOTS of mud. So much mud that on one small hill I had to crawl on my hands and knees to get up it. It was a last ditch effort as I’d already tried to walk, run and prance through it. I have no shame, especially when zombies are trying to grab my “life flags”.

There were a few simple obstacles, like running through a 3 foot ditch of muddy water, going through a smoke filled structure with dangling “zap” wires(yes they zapped you if you touched one). Fortunately, a runner from a previous wave had warned us of this one. There were natural obstacles along the way…a 4 foot stream filled with branches and logs and more mud than I’ve seen in my entire life.

We walked most of the 3.2 miles, simply to avoid killing ourselves, which was a definite possibility. By the time we hit the last two obstacles we were feeling pretty confident that we could finish this thing. None of us had our “life flags” left, but hey the whole goal was to finish the race. We won already. Then we saw the last two obstacles…

The second to the last obstacle was a two story climb up some pretty flimsy looking twoXfours that led to a slide. No, not a fun one. Once we crested the top, we slid down into a tank of frigid water. None of us made a graceful entry, or exit for that matter. At least we got some of the mud off.

The last obstacle looked kind of fun.

When other people were doing it.

Looking back, I can’t believe we actually went down the BIG slide, which consisted of plastic sheeting laid down another bunny hill that had water streaming down it. I have no idea how long the sucker was, just that it didn’t look so bad from the top. Until we started the downward plunge. Holy shizznit!! Three of us went at the same time. Turned out to be a very bad idea. I didn’t want to take out my sister so I veered left. Another bad idea. That thing was slick and I almost slid off into the grass which would have hurt all kinds of body parts. Through some unknown bit of luck, I stayed on the plastic but picked up speed as I hit the midpoint and spun around so that I was on my back head first into god knows what. The last thought I had before I plunged into yet another pool of muddy, frigid water was “I’m going to break my neck”.

Someone was looking out for me as I didn’t break my neck. I think I was in shock for a few seconds, but I made it past the slip N slide/pool of death. The end of the race loomed before us with a crowd cheering us on. It helped. A little. To finish, we had to slide on all fours under a chain link fence that had hanging wires. If we didn’t lay low enough, we got zapped.

Finished! Survived the obstacle course, but ended up zombie bait. I’m just proud that I finished without breaking anything. There were many bruises, some blood and a whole lot of sore, but it was an amazing feeling to say that we did it and good preparation.

I can SO survive a zombie apocalypse! Go Team Honey Badger!