Team “Honey Badger Don’t Care”….Survived!
Well, technically, we all died and were transformed into zombies as we had no flags left at the end of the race. I guess being a zombie is preferable to being, er, dead.
Team Honey Badger Don’t Care participated in the Run For Your Lives 5K and Obstacle Course this past weekend in Amesbury, MA. (If you have no idea what I am talking about see http://runforyourlives.com/.) I say participated because you are supposed to RUN, however, with 2 feet of mud throughout 95% of the course, running just wasn’t an option for those of us who value our ankles and most other body parts.
Since we had a 3 hour drive from New Haven CT(go Yale!) we decided to do the noon wave. Bad idea #1. I’m sure there was mud for the first
idiots runners too, but by our wave the majority of the course was calve deep in sole sucking, slick, skunky mud. My sister lost her shoe during the first 1/4 mile and if I hadn’t duct taped mine I would have lost both of them soon after.
After dropping all of our post race crap off at the holding area we headed to the starting line which consisted of Appetizer(if you run a 9 or less mile), Entree(if you run between 9-15 minute miles) and Dessert(if you run a 15+ minute mile). We lined up in the dessert gate thinking there was cake or something, you know, to improve our abilities. Sadly, it just meant we were slower than shit.
The obstacle portion of the course started right out of the gate with a steep incline(think bunny hill at a ski resort) that you were supposed to run up. Right. I gave it the old college try and made it to the top without totally embarrassing myself, albeit with thighs that were sore before the running actually started. As soon as we crested the top, lo and behold there were zombies. Lots of zombies. And mud. LOTS of mud. So much mud that on one small hill I had to crawl on my hands and knees to get up it. It was a last ditch effort as I’d already tried to walk, run and prance through it. I have no shame, especially when zombies are trying to grab my “life flags”.
There were a few simple obstacles, like running through a 3 foot ditch of muddy water, going through a smoke filled structure with dangling “zap” wires(yes they zapped you if you touched one). Fortunately, a runner from a previous wave had warned us of this one. There were natural obstacles along the way…a 4 foot stream filled with branches and logs and more mud than I’ve seen in my entire life.
We walked most of the 3.2 miles, simply to avoid killing ourselves, which was a definite possibility. By the time we hit the last two obstacles we were feeling pretty confident that we could finish this thing. None of us had our “life flags” left, but hey the whole goal was to finish the race. We won already. Then we saw the last two obstacles…
The second to the last obstacle was a two story climb up some pretty flimsy looking twoXfours that led to a slide. No, not a fun one. Once we crested the top, we slid down into a tank of frigid water. None of us made a graceful entry, or exit for that matter. At least we got some of the mud off.
The last obstacle looked kind of fun.
When other people were doing it.
Looking back, I can’t believe we actually went down the BIG slide, which consisted of plastic sheeting laid down another bunny hill that had water streaming down it. I have no idea how long the sucker was, just that it didn’t look so bad from the top. Until we started the downward plunge. Holy shizznit!! Three of us went at the same time. Turned out to be a very bad idea. I didn’t want to take out my sister so I veered left. Another bad idea. That thing was slick and I almost slid off into the grass which would have hurt all kinds of body parts. Through some unknown bit of luck, I stayed on the plastic but picked up speed as I hit the midpoint and spun around so that I was on my back head first into god knows what. The last thought I had before I plunged into yet another pool of muddy, frigid water was “I’m going to break my neck”.
Someone was looking out for me as I didn’t break my neck. I think I was in shock for a few seconds, but I made it past the slip N slide/pool of death. The end of the race loomed before us with a crowd cheering us on. It helped. A little. To finish, we had to slide on all fours under a chain link fence that had hanging wires. If we didn’t lay low enough, we got zapped.
Finished! Survived the obstacle course, but ended up zombie bait. I’m just proud that I finished without breaking anything. There were many bruises, some blood and a whole lot of sore, but it was an amazing feeling to say that we did it and good preparation.
I can SO survive a zombie apocalypse! Go Team Honey Badger!